12 May 2010

WHAT?!?! Was HE Thinking?!?!?

Do you ever wonder to yourself (because wondering out loud might cause a few funny looks...) "WHAT?! was the Lord THINKING?!?!?!?!?"

Happens to me all. the. time.

For example. I know that He knows me a LOT better than I know myself, because now I am the Mother of FOUR children, when last year I was just the Mother to three, and had no immediate plans of being mother for FOUR.

And sometimes I wonder if I'm borderline institutionalizable (is that even a word?!) because we're homeschooling. It's been rough. And by rough, I mean downright difficult. S has her own little ideas on what she thinks school is, and they're obviously NOT the same as mine. Next year we're going to sit down and go over what WEBSTERS thinks is the definition, and we'll see if the two are one and the same. And then we'll come up with our OWN definition, and we'll work from there. Next year we're going to have an actual SCHEDULE, if it kills me. And we'll stick to it - when I KNOW it's killing me. Spending all day with all of your children is supposed to be fun, isn't it?

Now I know why it's so important for a Mom to take a break from her duties and responsibilities as a parent and do something different once in a while. And I'm beginning to understand what leads some people to drink, and what leads others to abuse. It's the very avoidance of taking an actual break! I love ALL of my children. There are some who try my patience more than others. For those, I have learned to hold my breath a little longer and count a little higher. And then I put myself into time out before I lose my temper. Occasionally, I do lose my temper and yell. And then I tell the children that we don't yell in the house.

Over the past year, I have learned that not only does the Lord have a sense of humor (hence the four children), He also knows me intimately well. Just when I thought I couldn't do it (whatever "IT" was) he sent me a dear friend who is an example to me and, quite honestly, an answer to prayers. In my mind, she has the patience of Job (she might disagree with me), and the ability to help me see the trials in my life for what they really are - blessings.

So here I am, wondering - again - WHAT was HE thinking?!?

He is allowing me to grow in ways I never thought possible. When I look back at the challenges I've had throughout my life, I realize that each and every one was given to me so that I could have a learning experience. After all, HE can't do my learning for me. He gives me experiences, and what I chose to do with them determines Who and What I become.

So... this fall, I'll put on the black and white and be a Volleyball Ref. (Something I've secretly wanted to do almost my whole life.). We'll slaughter animals for the freezer. I'll take inventory of what fruits I've managed to freeze and harvest. I'll make jam. I'll make apple cider. I'll teach piano lessons. I'll continue to keep my house clean. Maybe I'll take a few more pictures (that's what I really want to do).

Really what I'll do is to count my many blessings. I'll name them. One, by one.

For now, I'll make more of an effort to write my thoughts down. Anyone have a few pennies? I've got a few thoughts to share. Immediately? I'm going to change my clothes. HIS sense of humor just manifested itself when Baby C decided that she didn't want to get my clothes dirty and barfed. RIGHT DOWN MY CLEAVAGE. And then, she smiled. I love her.

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