Breakfast... the IN Thing

I've never really been a breakfast person. Something about having to get up and fix it that early in the morning - and then having to EAT it... has always made my stomach turn - just a little.

As a teenager, I was convinced that Hot Chocolate and Toast WAS the breakfast of Champions. I'm still convinced that true champions really drink hot cocoa. Recently though, I've become obsessed with eating SOMETHING for breakfast. I think it's because I've read so much lately about breakfast being key to helping people lose weight and that it's the kick off for your metabolism... and let's face it. Unless you go by something like "SLIM" or people call you Anna and they mean that it's really short for Anorexic... MOST people would admit to having a few pounds that they're trying to dodge. Or get rid of. Or just plain LOSE.

I am NOT the exception to that train of thought. After having had three children in the last four years, I feel like I have at least 10 pounds that are just hanging on. Reminds me of a song that my Dad found on the internet (or somewhere) by a group called Homer and Jethro - one of those "Punny" Songs; the words of which are: "Let me go, Let me go, Let me go. Blubber. Let me scat like a cat 'way from you. You're too fat in the first place, you know it's true. You're too fat in the second place to..." And thus my obsession with breakfast begins.

Mostly, I've become obsessed with smoothies. They're easy, they're nutritious, and they are using up the frozen fruit in my freezer before I want to replenish my stock this summer. Interestingly enough, I've discovered that I'm actually hungry at lunch time when I have a small breakfast. Shocking how that works. I'm not sure if I've actually lost weight over the last few weeks, but I certainly feel a lot more energized in the morning!

Several weeks ago I attended a Relief Society Conference. One of the classes was on nutrition and weight loss and how breakfast really helps in that endeavor. I've never considered myself to be "Fat". Nor have I thought that I have a weight problem. I am, however, inspired by a blog that was mentioned during the class - More Chins Than a Chinese Phone Book... VERY inspiring. The name alone got my attention. This young woman is amazing in her quest for weight loss. I think I'm a slacker when it comes to MY idea of weight loss!

Last night I had a wild hair and went downstairs to ride the exercise bike. Probably the SECOND (and I'm not kidding about that) time I've ridden it. We've had the bike for four years. I definitely am feeling it this morning, and I only went 2 miles. Yes. I AM incredibly out of shape.

I had breakfast this morning. I think I'll go ride my bike.

Meanest Mom in the World.

It's official. I AM the Meanest Mom in the World. I know this because my children told me so. In fact, they're on the campaign trail to make me PRESIDENT of the Meanest Mom Club.

It all started with chores. I am a firm believer in teaching children to work. My belief is that if they're old enough to MAKE the mess, they're old enough to clean up after themselves. As a result, we have chores. All of us. Saturday is chore day at our house; the deep cleaning, once a week kind of chores.

S, who is 8, cleans the two bathrooms; folds her own clothes; cleans her bedroom; and picks up fallen limbs outside. She is learning not only to clean and to clean well, but to not complain. She's pretty good about doing her chores - especially when I suggest that there is a special reward for the first (and I'm included in that "first") to finish their chores.

M - at four - ALSO has four chores. Hers differ from S's in that she vacuums the stairs (the only nailed down carpet in the entire house) and straightens the shoes and boots in the entry way. She ALSO cleans her bedroom and folds her own clothes - on occasion she helps with the limbs and S has the additional chore of helping A split wood (a chore that she DOES complain about). M is NOT motivated by the suggestion of a reward.

I generally take care of the rest of the house: clean and sweep the kitchen; sweep the living room; wash, dry, fold and put away all the laundry NOT for S or M; you name the remaining chores, I'm responsible for them. I'm the MOM. I wouldn't expect any different. (For the record, chores ARE added as children get older and better able to accept responsibility; S will have added chores next weekend.)

The announcement that I was "JUST SO MEAN!" came with such vehemence and force that I HAD to stop and look at the little person making the accusation. She was determined to let me know how she felt, and she was letting. me. have it. So... in the middle of cleaning, I stopped and said, "I am SO sorry to hear that. What makes me so mean?" (In reality, I knew EXACTLY where she was getting her ideas - I'd just spent the last 20 minutes telling this particular young lady that she wouldn't be getting dinner until she finished vacuuming the stairs). It was all I could do to NOT laugh during the following exchange.

M: "You're just so mean because Heavenly Father created us to love, and you're not letting us love! You won't let us eat dinner until we're finished with chores, and that's JUST NOT LETTING US LOVE!"

Me: "You're right. Heavenly Father DID create us to love, and I DO love you. How Heavenly Father created us has NOTHING to do with the fact that you have been asked to vacuum the stairs, and you're not getting dinner until you are finished with your chores. Please go vacuum the stairs.

M: "Do you know why we can't eat?!"

Me: "Because you haven't finished your chores?"

M: "No. We can't eat because you're just so mean. You won't let us eat until we do our chores!"

I thought so.

She just didn't want to vacuum. Our conversation ended with a lot of weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. M was doing all the weeping and wailing. She retreated to the top of the stairs for continued weeping... Until I told her that I wasn't going to listen to the crying any longer, and her two choices were now to either do her chores without crying, or go to bed. Crying wasn't an option.

Miss M. did her very best to negotiate a different consequence. "Can I help make dinner as one of my chores?" "Nope. Please go vacuum the stairs." "Can I just eat and vacuum later?" "What do YOU think?" Until finally, in defeat, she hung her head and said, "Fine. I'll just go vacuum the stairs."

While it may seem a bit depressing to have a FOUR year old nominate you as Meanest Mom in the World, I'm actually quite proud of the nomination. It means that I'm doing my job. I'm NOT giving in.

Four days ago, S and I had a conversation wherein she placed HER nomination. It was over piano practice and school and me sitting NEXT. TO. HER. while she did her assigned work. I wasn't going to sit there the entire time. Let it be said that if I were able to sit undisturbed and help her the entire time, I would. Unfortunately for S, I am the mother of FOUR children, with the youngest demanding the majority of my time.

The following lecture was an eye opener for her.

"Just because I don't sit and focus my entire world around you and only you, doesn't mean that I don't love you. YOU are important to me. Unfortunately for your EGO (try explaining what an ego is to an 8 year old in words that you understand too...), you are also the oldest of four children who ALL demand my attention. This means that you are expected to do more things on your own and to stretch and grow accordingly. Just as I did for you when you were a baby, and just as I did for M and for L, I HAVE to respond when C starts to cry. It's how she learns that I will do ANYTHING to make sure she's happy. If I had always put your pants on you when you were younger, would you do it for yourself? (The answer was a loud, NO!)

After a few more questions establishing that the reasons I don't do everything for her is so that she can learn and grow - and reminding her that Heavenly Father works the same way... in addition to telling her - again - how much I loved her, piano practice continued. Without me.

All of these things I learned from my OWN Mom - who was ALSO the Meanest Mom in the World. Not only did I have chores, I HAD to eat all my dinner. I HAD to do my homework. I HAD to eat OATMEAL. I HAD to keep curfew. I HAD to learn responsibility. I HAD to get a J.O.B. and I had to do all of that while going to school and taking violin lessons (which I paid for) and being in the Anchorage Youth Symphony and playing volleyball and maintaining my active social life and whatever else was going on in my life at that time.

Consequences, like those I give my own children, were real and stated. Break curfew? Come home 1 hour earlier the next time I went out. I missed curfew once. Not do homework? Fail my classes. (And my parent's weren't afraid that I'd have a poor self esteem if I failed.) Not eat my oatmeal? Eat it cold. Not get a J.O.B.? No driving (can't pay for fuel without money!), no movies or other fun things (again... the money issue.) and no higher education. I am the second oldest of seven. My parents didn't have money! Now that I'm a parent, my children are learning the same things.

I'm in good company in the Meanest Mom in the World club, and I won't withdraw my membership. Not if it means that I raise my children to be good, law abiding, hard working, religious, responsible adults.

The hard thing for my children? ALL of my friends (and consequently my children's friends moms) are also members of the Meanest Mom in the World club.

I'm in good company.

Building Fences

For some, the statement "building fences" means that they're putting up walls between something or someone or an idea that they don't like. For me, it literally means: BUILDING FENCES. Today, on perhaps the hottest day of the year thus far, the family - all of us over the age of 3, put up a fence.

I never realized how much work putting up a fence could be. Before I go into further detail, I have to do a little explaining on what our property looks like. Put your Imagination caps on, and picture in your mind the following.

2.25 Acres of land with an old Victorian looking house at the top of a hill. The house is yellow, and was built in 1922 if that helps. For those of you WITHOUT an imagination, just add color. Here's the house. It looks a little bit different now - this is just AFTER A whacked all the bushes off so that they weren't sitting on the house. This is the view of the house from the road. To the Left of this picture is a hill that slopes at approximately 50 degrees. To the right is the already existing pasture that the bovines have eaten down to the dirt.

It is the field to the LEFT of the house that we are going to discuss here. Remember that angle? It got steeper today when we had to roll 350 feet of field fencing UP it. The farther we rolled it, the steeper the hill got. Funny how that works... not only did the hill get steeper, the fencing got heavier. Especially when we had to move it around the fence posts because the fencing seemed to want to roll DIAGONALLY from where we wanted it to go. It was truly hard work.

I have a new appreciation for my husband. He is a finish carpenter, who not only does beautiful work, but he has a desire to continue to learn - if he doesn't know how to do something, he figures out a way to learn it. Take fencing - for example. Two years ago, we didn't have any fences on our property. We were the proud owners of two hogs (pigs are pets, hogs are food), and two bovines. (Or, as the children called them - DINNER.) Blessed with friends who had property, we weren't all that concerned about where to keep our animals, until we decided that we wanted to have them on our farm. So... long story short - A bought a video, watched it, and built a fence. He doesn't need the video now, he just builds fences.

I am amazed. He leaves the house in the morning, works hard at whatever he is working on for someone else, and then comes home and fixes things here in our home. And it's not easy things, either. Building a fence is NOT easy - no matter what they say, or how easy A makes it look. I am that much more grateful for the work that I have to do here at home. Cleaning the house is so much easier than rolling field fencing UP a hill.

I'll take my house anyday.

Motherhood... A Seemingly Thankless Job.

A few weeks ago I spent an entire day griping to myself about how thankless my job as a Mother was. There I was, sitting there folding laundry, feeding children who never seemed to say thank you and instead spent the entire day fighting over who was touching whom, trying to make sure I had a hot dinner on the table for a hungry husband at the end of his work day, folding MORE laundry, putting it all away only to have someone TAKE SOMETHING OFF - leaving me with yet MORE laundry...

I complained in my head about the status of my house and how it seemed that I was the only one who EVER picked ANYTHING up. I continued to complain about the fact that I was awake half the night changing poop and doing dishes and folding still MORE laundry...

And the list went ON and ON and ON.

Just in the middle of my extreme complaining to myself, it suddenly hit me. NO ONE CARED. First - no one cared, because no one else was listening! (Talking in your head helps a little with that...) Even if they HAD been listening, no one would have cared because they weren't INVITED to my little PITY PARTY. (People don't bring gifts to those anyway - so why invite them?!) And then it happened.

I started to think to myself about all the things I would miss out on if I DIDN'T have children.

If I didn't have children, I wouldn't have those sticky hugs that only little people can give. I wouldn't realize the joys of teaching children how to clean up after themselves - and the thrill that occurs when they FINALLY figure out how to clean up ON THEIR OWN! I wouldn't have the sleepy "I Love You, Mommy" that comes in the middle of the night when I'm tucking them in for the 39th time. I began to realize the blessing that it is to ME to be a mother.

Now. Let it be said right here and right now that I have some VERY dear Friends (and some Siblings) who haven't YET experienced that joy. For them, it's a struggle. One that I will NEVER understand fully. My heart hurts when I think of the joys that they have yet to experience. Perhaps, it was for THEM that my selfish eyes were opened to the joys that I have. I think it may have been for THEM that my pity party was brought to an abrupt halt.

That being said, I have a story to share.

Almost a year ago, as A and I were contemplating TIMING for our next child, I found out that said CHILD wasn't WAITING for our timing. I was unsure of how to react, and probably reacted badly for one who loves children and doesn't mind being pregnant. Take PROBABLY out of it. I DID react badly. As I was going about my cleaning duties that the Portland Temple one night, griping about being pregnant when, "Gosh Darn it! I WAS ON THE PILL!" I had an epiphany. (That's code for "GOD YELLED AT ME") I heard - in my minds inner eye; the UNselfish part of me - "Don't You DARE be ungrateful for this child. She is coming to you for a reason - and YOU NEED HER." I went on to hear, "You have siblings who are unable to have children at this point and for reasons that you don't know. STOP being ungrateful for the GIFT you have been given."

You know, when you're YELLED at, you generally listen. It was humbling for me to have that experience. And it taught me a lesson in being grateful for ALL my children. I'm not perfect. I still spend more time that I should griping and complaining about what they're NOT doing, and not enough time being grateful for what they ARE doing. That being said, I am truly grateful for my children. I'm grateful when they don't argue and fight with each other. I love seeing them put their arms around each other and tell each other how much they mean to the other. I love watching L give baby C a kiss (it's absolutely the sweetest thing you've ever seen). Mostly, I love learning from them.

I guess Motherhood has its rewards after all.

WHAT?!?! Was HE Thinking?!?!?

Do you ever wonder to yourself (because wondering out loud might cause a few funny looks...) "WHAT?! was the Lord THINKING?!?!?!?!?"

Happens to me all. the. time.

For example. I know that He knows me a LOT better than I know myself, because now I am the Mother of FOUR children, when last year I was just the Mother to three, and had no immediate plans of being mother for FOUR.

And sometimes I wonder if I'm borderline institutionalizable (is that even a word?!) because we're homeschooling. It's been rough. And by rough, I mean downright difficult. S has her own little ideas on what she thinks school is, and they're obviously NOT the same as mine. Next year we're going to sit down and go over what WEBSTERS thinks is the definition, and we'll see if the two are one and the same. And then we'll come up with our OWN definition, and we'll work from there. Next year we're going to have an actual SCHEDULE, if it kills me. And we'll stick to it - when I KNOW it's killing me. Spending all day with all of your children is supposed to be fun, isn't it?

Now I know why it's so important for a Mom to take a break from her duties and responsibilities as a parent and do something different once in a while. And I'm beginning to understand what leads some people to drink, and what leads others to abuse. It's the very avoidance of taking an actual break! I love ALL of my children. There are some who try my patience more than others. For those, I have learned to hold my breath a little longer and count a little higher. And then I put myself into time out before I lose my temper. Occasionally, I do lose my temper and yell. And then I tell the children that we don't yell in the house.

Over the past year, I have learned that not only does the Lord have a sense of humor (hence the four children), He also knows me intimately well. Just when I thought I couldn't do it (whatever "IT" was) he sent me a dear friend who is an example to me and, quite honestly, an answer to prayers. In my mind, she has the patience of Job (she might disagree with me), and the ability to help me see the trials in my life for what they really are - blessings.

So here I am, wondering - again - WHAT was HE thinking?!?

He is allowing me to grow in ways I never thought possible. When I look back at the challenges I've had throughout my life, I realize that each and every one was given to me so that I could have a learning experience. After all, HE can't do my learning for me. He gives me experiences, and what I chose to do with them determines Who and What I become.

So... this fall, I'll put on the black and white and be a Volleyball Ref. (Something I've secretly wanted to do almost my whole life.). We'll slaughter animals for the freezer. I'll take inventory of what fruits I've managed to freeze and harvest. I'll make jam. I'll make apple cider. I'll teach piano lessons. I'll continue to keep my house clean. Maybe I'll take a few more pictures (that's what I really want to do).

Really what I'll do is to count my many blessings. I'll name them. One, by one.

For now, I'll make more of an effort to write my thoughts down. Anyone have a few pennies? I've got a few thoughts to share. Immediately? I'm going to change my clothes. HIS sense of humor just manifested itself when Baby C decided that she didn't want to get my clothes dirty and barfed. RIGHT DOWN MY CLEAVAGE. And then, she smiled. I love her.

Ode to the Perfect Summer Salad

Shake and shake the ketchup bottle.
First none will come...
And then a lottle.

That has absolutely nothing to do with the Perfect Summer Salad, but since it's been going through my head since I read Code Yellow Mom's blog (and her ensuing posts on Ketchup), I thought I'd share it.

Since the summer is shaping up nicely - despite the fact that we're burning a fire in the wood stove today (I get chilled easily...), I'm looking forward to more of my favorite summer meals. Barbecuing on the grill. Pasta Salad. Fresh Fruit. Fresh Veggies. Less inside mess. In our house, we believe in cooking outside as much as possible during the summer. There are two reasons for this - and neither of them have anything to do with the environment. The first is that we don't have a stove in our house. We took it out to install an antique wood cookstove - that's not currently attached to the wall. The second is that it's cheaper to cook outside than it is in. And I'm cheap.

One of my friends called me tonight to ask for a summer recipe. It's a tried and true pasta salad that is perfect for entertaining. It makes a TON of salad, and has a good blend of fruits and meat. Not to mention, it's D. Licious. Should you choose to make this salad, be prepared to pass out the recipe - and to eat a lot...

Perfect Pasta Salad

3 c. shell pasta - cooked according to package directions
4 c. cooked, diced chicken meat
2 (16.5 oz) cans pineapple tidbits, drained (drink the juice)
2 c. diced apples - any flavor, although tart is best
2 c. diced celery
1/2 c. finely chopped red onion
1/2 c. (each) chopped red and green peppers
2 c. red grapes (cut them in half, they won't run when you're trying to eat them)
2 (8 oz) cans water chestnuts, drained
1 small jar pimento (they only come in small here...)
1 1/2 c. cashews

Dressing:
1 c. mayonnaise
1 c. Prepared Coleslaw Dressing

In a really large bowl, combine all ingredients except cashews and dressing. Just before serving, toss the dressing in with the pasta mix and add the cashews. This is delicious the next day too.

I first had this salad at a wedding reception... I took some home with me (the hostess was my Mother in Law - it was acceptable to take left-unders home...), and then proceeded to eat nothing else for the next week. It was, indeed, that good. This is saying a lot for me, since I do NOT eat left-unders very often. It's like licking your plate to prove that the food was good.

I realize this is not much of an ode - since the definition of an ode has something to do with singing, but I'm pretty sure those who eat it will sing its praises... hence, the ODE. Enjoy!

NOT a Lazy Mom

"It is a Lazy Mom who cleans up after her Children."

It was those words that greeted me when I walked into a class on teaching your children to work. And my first thought was, "Hey! Them's fighting words there!" And then I started to listen. This was, after all, a class on teaching your children HOW TO WORK. (Those can also be fighting words, depending on the house and the children.)

I learned to work at a very early age. I'm not sure WHAT that age was, but I have distinct memories of hiding in the grape arbor eating all the strawberries that I was supposed to be weeding and thinking that I was so smart because Mom couldn't see me shirking my work. What I didn't know at the time was that the second floor kitchen window provided the PERFECT view into the grape arbor, and I wasn't really hiding. Mom could see EVERYTHING. That little story aside, I am truly grateful that I got in trouble for not working and that my parents insisted that I learn how.

Having children of my own, the struggle comes in how do I teach them to pick their own toys up and help keep the house clean without feeling like the Wicked Witch of the East (I would say West, but I just went to see WICKED last night, and my view on her Royal Greenness has changed) vs It's a WHOLE lot EASIER to send them outside to play and just clean the dang house myself. Less fighting and less crying (yes, sometimes that's my crying that I'm talking about) and it gets done a whole lot quicker.

That thought about being a Lazy Mother just really got me though. I've never considered myself to be a lazy mom. That's almost the ultimate oxymoron. Mother and Lazy should not even be spoken in the same sentence! Until I started really thinking about it. I want my children to learn to work. Teaching them to do that is Hard! How many times does one really have to show someone else how to do something until that someone else can do it on their own??? (only about a bazillion, but who's counting???) And really. What mother has that kind of time? So it really is easier to clean up after your kids. BUT. What does it profit the kids, and think of the time you can spend doing things you really WANT to do if your kids are doing what you DON'T want to do, but end up doing anyway because no one else is doing it?

Here's my thought. Spend the time now teaching your kids, and then sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labors.

How? It's really quite simple - and difficult at the same time.

Change your attitude. If your children see you griping and complaining about the work that needs to be done, they're going to gripe and complain. If you have to fake it until you make it - do it. Your kids don't need to know that you 're really a big faker. And, if they see you enjoying (even if you're really cursing under your breath), they'll start enjoying it too.

That's the first.

Second. Give them ownership of something. Make them totally responsible for something. And then, LOWER YOUR STANDARDS... DRASTICALLY. Remember how you used to shove everything in the world under your bed just so the floor LOOKED clean? They're doing the same thing. And to them, it's clean. You've grown up and are no longer hiding things under the bed because you don't want to clean up - they'll eventually figure it out. And if they don't, then start doing surprise inspections under the bed. It does wonders for getting things out from under the bed. This works really well for kids under the age of - oh, 20...

Third. Give them their own supplies. When you go to work, they give you everything you need to get the job done. Do the same for your children. Mine are seven and three. I went to the local discount store and purchased rubber gloves for the seven year old, cheap sponges for both of them, towels to make into aprons, towels to do the dusting with, and a bucket for each of them to keep their supplies in. Each bucket also has an individual envelope that has their chores in it - labeled with their name. Then - and this was for them the most important part - I had a friend make them some name tags. Now, when they do their chores, they're wearing their name tags to show that they're employeed by our family. And they LOVE IT! I had my seven year old doing ALL her chore in the same day because she was so excited to wear that name tag.

Fourth- use positive encouragement. Have your children inspect something that you're working on; and then use the same standards to judge their work. Whatever you do, DON'T FIX IT YOURSELF. If you give in to this evil, you'll spend a lot more time convincing them to do their chores. They'll get it into their cute little heads that "Mom will just fix it if I don't do it all." And that's a trap that you want to avoid like the plague.

Finally. Give them age appropriate chores to do. Each child is going to be different: My seven year old wanted the chore of cleaning the downstairs bathroom. Since that's the one that gets used the most, I was 100% willing to let someone else take ownership of that chore. And now... she's got it. In her little chore envelope, under "Clean the Downstairs Bathroom", she has a card that lists out exactly what I expect of her. I showed her what I expected, and now the chore is hers. No longer will I clean the bathroom. At the end of the week if it hasn't been cleaned twice, she's the one who will be up cleaning, not me.

While it can be a little discouraging for a long time - be patient with your children. The whole threat of "I brought you into this world, I can sure take you out of it too" lands mothers in jail when they act on it. Not to say that I haven't been tempted. But if I can teach my children to love work, I can truly turn into a lazy mom.

Now... where are the bon-bons? I want to sit and watch my favorite show.